What It Really Means to Start Over

This has nothing to do with Monday mornings and restarting your food or digital diet.

Starting Over:
A phrasal verb meaning to start from the beginning and in a different way.

-Cambridge Dictionary

Photo by Gia Oris on Unsplash

Was it a couple of months ago, or was this a more recent revelation? An epiphany while walking, watching TV, or in mid-conversation?

When was it that I knew I was “starting over”?

And no, not the starting over we refer to when one has slipped up on a healthy diet or had a quick little scroll on TikTok while on a digital detox. I mean going back to square one in life – game over, reset. Think video game.

(We’re about to dive into an analogy I’m so underqualified to assemble, it may cancel out the picture I’m drawing for you, so bear with me.)

There you are, hours, days, and weeks deep into your game. You’ve navigated your avatar through battles, trials, and tribulations, and just as you are about to guide them into the next level, you die. All the effort of passing through the levels was for nothing, and you’re back to the start.

Here you are, having to build your avatar’s skills once again. All the magic stones – or whatever you’ve been collecting the whole game – the skills you’ve gained from years of work (for those of us in the real world) – have been stripped from you, and you’re back to Level 1.

I had been preaching a storm on starting again, following influencers who were quitting to “start over.” They were taking risks and building empires while only waking at 10 a.m., drinking iced lattes, and finishing their workdays at 4 p.m. Goodbye grey suits and office blocks and hello freedom in the shade of sunshine.

I was inspired and buzzed by their dynamism. Being a freelancer or unemployed was not a disadvantage but the launching board I needed for starting over – a new dawn, being born again into who I “really” meant to be.

Oh, how naive I was. Starting over isn’t this. Those sleek reels were about pivots and taking risks. About charting left instead of right to go forward. They weren’t about heading backward.

With a flood of clarity, I could grasp the meaning of starting over, beginning again in a new way. Leaving your corporate job to open your mug business isn’t starting over, in my humble opinion; it’s pivoting your skills. Starting over means reverting to where you were when you first set out – even if it’s just the shadow of where you were.

This could look like going back to school and training again, working for free or minimum wage, or having zero savings or retirement funds. It could mean moving back to your childhood home because you can’t live without the financial aid of your parents.

Some would call this hitting rock bottom. But I like to think of it as the pure form of starting over.

Channeling my 18-year-old self and her determination is helping me dream and planting hope. In essence, it’s less pressure than social media’s version – I’ve no empire to build.

The dream is different, and the path you’ll take to get there may be different, but you will be starting from scratch like you’re about to live your second life.

Ugh, this realisation is painful. No one in their 30s, 40s, or 50s wants to regress to the hustle of their youthful self. I’m tired, for one, and also I want to afford a coffee, not to mention my waistline no longer tolerates cheap packet noodles.

Yet, when your avatar dies, you’re only left with two options: ditch the game and admit failure, or pick the remote up again and press start.