Unexpected Loneliness of Being Unemployed
A millienially dramatic essay about the monotony of job hunting making you feel non-existent.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, click the side button to light up my iPhone screen. Aside from the generic picture of an Eiffel Tower painting, the lock screen is blank.
Disappointed I slip my phone back into my pocket. Two seconds later I whip it out again.
‘Maybe the data connection is dodgy and I’m not receiving any email notifications because of that?’ I justify.
I open my email app, refresh the page. No new emails.
I’ve been doing this for the last two hours with a vague sense of nervousness. The wait for an email that could bring you hope or knock you back down again is a bit like waiting for the results of an exam or from a doctor’s office. Standing at a fork in the road staring down two differing paths.
After a week or two of waiting, you begin to realise there won’t be a reply or the impending rejection will eventuate over the next fortnight. Mentally you need to move on.
Sitting at the bus stop looking at my empty screen, I have this sudden sense of emptiness. I can’t help it - although my brain is rationalising the reason for the absence of emails - the lack of response is making me feel like I don’t exist.
During an economic downturn when rejection runs like water, the process of looking for full-time work begins to slowly strip away your humanity. Extreme…yes. You shake your head, telling yourself to not be millennially dramatic. Yet, when everyone is locked away in the office and you’re sitting at home writing emails or filling out applications to what appears to be no one (or maybe just ChatGPT) the creeping thoughts of depersonalisation slowly emerge.
You find yourself touching a service, talking aloud to yourself, or getting a friend to text your number because the dead air is making you question if you’re even awake.
This sense of emptiness coincides with boredom, an emotion I wasn’t expecting to encounter while unemployed. Yet on any given day boredom can be the most dominant feeling. When all you do is scroll through job ads and rewrite your cover letter for the hundredth time, the monotony of this process can almost drive you a bit loopy … if it’s not at least fatiguing. Don’t get me wrong, tedious is a nice break from anxious, but it plays with your mental health in unexpected ways.
We preach a lot about not finding our identity in our work - which is a healthy mindset to have - but we gloss over how not working without the financial means to do so can be mentally detrimental.
The significance of this isn’t lost on experts with around 37 studies being done on how loneliness and unemployment are linked. Most of these studies found that nearly 50 percent of people who find themselves out of employment experience loneliness.
One study noted that experiencing loneliness doesn’t mean you are physically alone, but it does provoke a sense of isolation.
It’s unsurprising really and from my personal experience, it’s unavoidable when it comes to long-term unemployment or job insecurity. It seems absurd to be interacting with friends, family the shop assistant at the till, but then to feel so isolated because you’ve been ignored or rejected by those who you are seeking work from.
Loneliness can be awful for your health. Not only does it take a toll on mental health, but physically it comes at a price. Some studies suggest those suffering from loneliness can be at a 50 percent increased risk of death.
I don’t have all the answers, but in my battle with keeping loneliness at bay, I try and make my health a full-time priority. Renewing my mind every day by taking myself away from my phone or computer and physically distancing myself from the job that is looking for a job. Enforcing a cut-off time from checking my empty emails or applying for a role. I know this doesn’t help my immediate situation, but I hope it’ll help my health in the long run.
For those wanting to help others who feel lonely because they’re unemployed - I believe reinforcing that person’s belief in their abilities is key and also helping them in the process of looking for work by reading cover letters, CVs or talking to contacts who might be able to help find them a job. It does make the journey less lonely.
An email notification pings on my phone. I rush to look. A Black Friday sale is on and I have a special code I can use. How these emails still manage to be sent to me after unsubscribing from this retail brand now turns a ping of excitement into annoyance.
Delete. Back to an empty inbox.
To cure my boredom and feelings of lack of purpose I thought I’d write about my journey with finding full-time work. From the mistakes I’ve made to the ups and downs. I may not be consistent (especially writing on here where no one’s likely to read this) but as long as I have the motivation I’ll try and write my thoughts here.
You've got this, Natalia! Cheering you on from afar, friend.
Side note: Have you heard of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)? Look it up if you find you have a lot of time up your sleeve. It's an annual challenge where people attempt to write 50,000 words (aka a novel) in November. There's no pressure to do anything with the words you produce - it's just to get people writing. There's an online community and they send out motivational resources to help people reach their goal. Just a thought! I always come away reading your pieces thinking you could write a book. Why not now (assuming that's something you've thought about doing)?
Either way, will look forward to your updates here! - Mariana
Natalia I am sorry you are going through this. I too remember having a terrible lonely time when I first moved to Canada aged 25 and was looking for work. I did get one response - from a newsroom person who said everyone had laughed at my CV for including primary school certificates and everything up to the current point. That's how dumb and unprepared for the real world I was! At least you are smarter and much more mature.
If I was to go back now as a proper adult and do that experience again though, I would have looked outside the media, if I am honest. I think I clung onto that idea of doing journalism come what may, fearing to leave meant I would never get back in. I'm not sure that is true these days and also, seems to me there is more opportunity outside it. That is not to say the media there shouldn't hire you, they obviously should as you are very good, but there is life after media!
Also I would have joined more clubs to meet people my own age.
Obviously, feel free to ignore this or anything else I am telling you. Hopefully you will have already seen your mail box fill up by now! You've still done the right thing in moving, I reckon, keep the faith and all the best with everything. Dita x