That Time I Turned A Job Down
I turned a job down once. I can feel the full body cringe right now thinking about how dumb that was.
I turned a job down once.
I can feel the full body cringe right now thinking about how dumb that was. Hindsight is a cruel master when the present you are experiencing the reverberations from the decision of the past you. No one is a more bitter critic of past decisions saying “I told you so…” than your inner thoughts.
Regrets come like embarrassing memories—at the most unusual times, when you’re in the shower, out for a walk, or sitting on the bus.
Mundane thoughts of what to add the the grocery list will be punctured by the almost audible thought: “Remember that time you turned down a great opportunity and now you don’t have a career?”
Thank you inner voice for ruining my day.
You check your peripheries to make sure that audible voice isn’t overheard by anyone because the chastising of your internal judge and juror seems so blaring.
It’s true that I did turn a job down.
At the time it felt like the right thing to do.
I left a contract job early. It was a contract role that ended around Christmas so the timing of looking for work following its completion wasn't ideal. I was also exhausted following the brutal hours we all did in media during the Covid pandemic and the hiring freezes forcing us to do two to three people’s roles.
I needed a breather.
Everyone's advice to me was to leave early, take a break, and put some effort into the search for the next best role for me. At any other point in time, that advice would have been sound. Little did we all know at the time that jobs would evaporate overnight.
Leading up to the exit, I was offered a role - one I could shape, learn from and mix with some influential people.
I turned it down.
My logic at the time felt assured and I believed the company offering me the role would benefit from a stronger candidate. There were knowledge gaps that in my fog of exhaustion I wasn’t convinced I could close. If I’m being honest with myself I wasn’t sure if it was the direction I wanted my career to go towards.
I patted myself on the back for being so level-headed.
Then the Reserve Bank began to hike interest rates, the New Zealand government changed hands and the weeks of searching for the cushy office job turned into months. I was lucky to pick up a few months of work here and there, but now my weekends were gone, as were my evenings.
It was easy to fall into the trap that is past regret. Should’ve, could’ve.
But now I see this regret as an easy way of making sense of a period in my life - which thousands of people are going through - when I didn’t have control over what was happening around me.
To create some sort of justice in injustice we need someone to blame and sometimes that person to blame is yourself. Why didn’t I take up that opportunity before a circumstance greater than me occurred just months later? Now I see that type of thinking as ridiculous and a barrier to dusting off and moving forward.
If you’re looking for work and have turned down an opportunity that you felt deep in your gut wasn’t right don’t beat yourself up about it. We are idealising missed opportunities as being the solution to the obstacles we’re currently facing.
Close that page of your life and learn from it.
Were you reluctant to take the opportunity because you didn’t feel confident, weren’t sure if it was what you had in mind for your career or it just didn’t sit right? Figure that out and take those learnings into the next decision you need to make. Maybe figuring out how you handled that situation will enable you to make a more level-headed decision next time.
To cure my boredom and feelings of lack of purpose I thought I’d write about my journey with finding full-time work. From the mistakes I’ve made to the ups and downs. I may not be consistent (especially writing on here where no one’s likely to read this) but as long as I have the motivation I’ll try and write my thoughts here.